A Leader "by Nature"

Being a teacher and working with children for the past 10+ years of my life, I have spent quite a bit of time observing them.  It is always interesting to me to see their little personalities develop from early on.  Quite often you categorize children into two broad categories: leaders and followers.  And on the playground that is exactly how it works out, some children lead while others follow.  It is always the leaders that seem to get in arguments with one another, neither one willing to forsake their ideas and unwilling to compromise, all while the follower stands by and watches or even tries to mediate the situation.  It seems to just be "their nature", the way they were made.  From the perspective of a Christian, we see much more in that, the innocence isn't what it seems, but rather a sinful nature evidencing itself.


When I was this age, I too fell into one of these categories.  I was a leader.  I may have not always had to have my way, but I knew exactly how to get a group of people to play something I wanted to play or how to get little girls to follow me.  I am ashamed to say I often gloried in this.  


As the Lord continued to work in my life throughout the years, I began to see my sinful "nature" more and more, and realized that I couldn't blame my personality for the sinful ways in which I behaved.  I also realized that what could be a stumbling block in my Christlikeness could also be used for His glory.  Christ began to use my "strong" personality to make me a woman of conviction. His Spirit enabled me to stand for what was right in situations in which had I rested in my own strength, I would have fallen.  I praise God for this.


In all honesty, the thought of following someone in marriage always seemed exciting to me, despite the leader within.  I know it was the Spirit's desire within me to follow a man who feared the Lord.  What I did fear however, was the temptation I could potentially face to lead in a relationship where my future husband didn't lead.  I always was one who would take the lead if nobody else would.  But in all honesty, as God sanctified me, I became less and less interested in being the leader, and deeply desired to follow a strong one.  I believe that this is due to the fact that I had such a Godly example of a leader in my own family in my father, something I am forever grateful for.  


 "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,  when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands,  like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear."  -1 Peter 3:1-6


1 Peter 3 became a picture of Godly submission that I prayed I would emulate in my own marriage one day.  I wanted to be beautiful and precious in the eyes of my Father in heaven (and my husband) as I adorned myself in the Word, in Godly character, and in submission to the one in which He put above me.  That's when it became powerfully real.  As I sat and thought about that for a moment, I realized that it was GOD who I was ultimately submitting to, who I was following, because HE was the one who ultimately put a head, a covering above me.  What a beautiful Truth.  There was safety in my submission because in obedience to Christ I could trust He was leading all the while.


All that to say, here I am, almost 3 months into marriage and learning more and more what it looks like to submit, to follow, and to help.  Although I know that I have so much to grow in, I am so blessed to see God actively working in our marriage to enable both Keith and I to fulfill the roles we were created to fulfill.  I am so grateful the Lord has called me to follow a man that I respect more than any other man on this earth, who loves and fears the Almighty more than all, who cherishes me, his wife, and who seeks to lead me to Him daily.  Following a man like this is a gift. 


I may always have the tendency to be the kid on the playground leading the pack, but by the grace of God I can use the strength He has given me to love, encourage and support my husband in His leading of our family.  

Christian Sobriety

“For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.” –Romans 12:3

“So then let us not sleep, as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober.” –1 Thessalonians 5:6

“But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and for a helmet the hope of salvation.” –1 Thessalonians 5:8

“Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach” –1 Timothy 3:2

“Their wives likewise must be dignified, not slanderers, but sober-minded, faithful in all things” –1 Timothy 3:11

“As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry” –2 Timothy 4:5

“Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness” –Titus 2:2

“Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” –1 Peter 1:13

“The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers.” –1 Peter 4:7

“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” –1 Peter 5:8

Sobriety: a concept that has lost some of its historical meaning in light of modern times. Yet, it’s something very frequently discussed as we read through the NT epistles. As it finds its roots in biblical truth, I have to believe that it has a deeper and more profound meaning and scope than it does when talked about today. And as it is a common exhortation to Christians by Paul & Peter, it must be something that we as Christians (especially Christian men as leaders, husbands & fathers) are called to pursue, endeavor towards, and live in. So what exactly is all this talk of sobriety about?

The most common word in the NT for sober is the word nepho (nay’-fo, nhvfw), meaning to be calm, collected, self-controlled, impartial, and/or careful, depending on the context. (1 Thessalonians 5:6, 8; 2 Timothy 4:5; 1 Peter 1:13, 4:7, 5:8). And even with that basic understanding of what biblical sobriety is, we can see how practical Paul’s words are for us. Using these synonyms, a few applications come to mind:

How fitting it is for us as Christians to be calm, collected, and careful in light the pervasive nature of sin and the fallen the world we sojourn.

How fitting it is for us as Christian men to be self-controlled and impartial, as we are called to demonstrate wisdom, leadership, and maturity both inside and out of the church.

How fitting it is for us as Christian husbands to exercise sobriety, as we are called to lead our wives and families.

And as a new husband, this word could not have more relevance to me. I’ve been burdened with the reality that I am called to be sober in all things - sober in judgment, sober in speech, sober in thought, sober in word, sober in deed. I’ve been entrusted with the physical and spiritual well-being of a daughter of the King of kings. He has called me to lead His daughter to the Cross of Christ, through His word and prayer, in love, and by example. The decisions I make as a husband no longer impact just one, but two that were made one in Christ. I think about the reality of this and, like I said, am burdened by its importance.

But God’s word should never leave us just feeling burdened. And so, I am also encouraged by the counsel I receive from Holy Spirit through Paul & Peter, knowing that God’s grace will equip me to live a life of sobriety. As God always promises to equip where He calls, I can trust Him for the daily strength I need to walk in the Spirit, put to death the deeds of the body, and to live soberly. Knowing my end and my aim is Christ, I will cast my care upon him for his yolk is easy and his burden is light. Never neglecting by responsibility, yet always entrusting myself to His sovereignty, I know sobriety in all things is attainable.

Moreover, I think Paul had sobriety in mind when he addressed the Colossian church in this way:

“We proclaim Him, warning and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone mature in Christ. I labor for this…” (Colossians 1:28-29a)

Paul’s heart was to labor soberly for the church of Christ that they might be mature in Christ. The end of our sobriety is ultimately our maturity in Christ.

And with that, Paul counseled fellow Christians to imitate him as he imitates Christ.

“Remember your leaders who have spoken God's word to you. As you carefully observe the outcome of their lives, imitate their faith.” (Hebrews 13:7)

“Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, to keep away from every brother who walks irresponsibly and not according to the tradition received from us. For you yourselves know how you must imitate us: we were not irresponsible among you.” (2 Thessalonians 3:6-7)

We have much to learn from those that lead us. I pray that I may take Paul’s call to sobriety to heart, learn from those that lead me, and walk in a manner worthy of the calling of Christ. 

"Wifely" Sanctification

Before I got married I mentally “knew” what I was entering.  I figured that after reading a dozen books on how to be a Godly helper (aka, wife) or how to have a Christ-centered marriage, not to mention the time spent in prayer and the Word, I would be “prepared”…well as much as I could be right?!  And after all, it was my “dream”…something I had prayed for years on end about and it was finally going to be a reality.  And yet everything I had learned was merely “hypothetical”, and would only be “real” when fleshed out.

September 9, 2011 put us at the two-month mark from the day we said “I do”.  I don’t think I could be any more blessed than I feel and am right now.  I have seen the precious goodness of God truly bless my marriage thus far, and I am so thankful.  Being married to a man who fears and loves God makes it that much more of a blessing.  We have experienced bliss if you would and pray that the “honeymoon” would never fade as we continue to fix our eyes on Christ and to emulate Him toward one another.

BUT…yes, there is a but…I have realized some things about myself in the past two months that, although I knew before, have become so much more visible.  We’ve all heard that marriage is sanctification in full force for the believer, your spouse, if you will, is a mirror that you daily look into.  The flaws of the flesh become that much more real and disheartening.  I knew I was a sinner going into marriage, but the sin I knew I had seemed to be better masked as a single.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that married people sin more or less than singles, but rather that God uses the gift of marriage as a tool to prune, refine, and shape each individual more and more into the image of Christ.

A struggle I have sought the refining work of the Spirit for throughout my Christian walk has been that of selfishness.  Somehow it seems like a mountain I will never fully tackle, but one I do see growth in by the grace of God.  And yet, it is a daily battle I face.  I am amazed at how often I want to cater to my own flesh, without thinking about how it might affect others around me, especially the one whom I love the most.  I forget so often how much I need to rely on the Lord to help me in this area.  It is a prayer I daily lift up, that God would teach me continually to deny myself and to put on the humility of Christ.

And of course, God in His goodness is answering those prayers DAILY, reminding me of the call I have been given and the character I must possess (in HIS strength).  And God, as He usually does, seems to bring about tests and trials to refine us in our areas of weakness continually.  And recently He did just this, tested my obedience, and the call to deny myself and to serve Him and my husband before myself.   God is doing a work, His grace is lavished upon me daily, and I am more excited than ever to continue to see Him work in and through our marriage for the glory of His name and for the good of both my husband and myself!

God's Blessings!

365 days ago my life changed forever when the man of my dreams, the one I had prayed for for so long, got down on one knee and asked me to be his forever.  I don't think I can explain the overwhelming sense of joy and excitement I experienced in that moment, but I know I will never forget it.  And now, a year later, I can call that man my husband!

There are many good gifts God gives His children, but marriage tops them all.  There is no other blessing in which sanctification occurs more constantly and goodness pours out more consistently.  I know I have only been married 2 months, but in that short time, I have realized more about myself than I thought possible, and have come to not only love Keith more, but more importantly, Christ.  It is a treasure worth waiting for, and one only God can give.  

This blog is something both Keith and I pray will be a source of encouragement and exhortation, as we share God's blessings in our life with each of you!