Sacrifice

I suppose I was naive in my understanding of motherhood.  After all, I was the "queen" of babysitting/nannying, so I had it down...I knew everything, or so I thought.  I expected motherhood to be easy, I mean how hard could it really be to love on a cute little baby all day?!  Well, 4 months into this (actually 13 if you count those 40 weeks of pregnancy) and it is very different then what I had expected...absolutely amazing...but different.

I remember growing up, and watching my mom be a mom to both me and my brother.  I'd mimic her with my dolls and pretend I had a couple kids of my own.  I'd push my little dolls around in the stroller, change their diapers and their clothes, feed them, and hold them close.  Even at four or five I remember dreaming of being a mommy one day, I couldn't wait! As I watched my mom "mother", I only saw one aspect of motherhood.  It wasn't as if she hid the "hard" parts, but rather that the joy of the Lord, and the love she had for her family, was so tangible, and so great, that that was all that I could see.  I never realized how many sacrifices she really did make, in fact what I didn't see was that she had heeded the call to sacrifice herself for us, as unto the Lord.

Being a mother is a high calling, I would venture to say, that apart from being called to being a wife, it is the highest calling a woman can have.  And like with any calling, the Lord uses motherhood to reveal more of Himself to us as He refines us more into the image of His Son.

It all begins with pregnancy.  Again, I was naive.  I imagined myself with a cute little bump and that was it.  Well I was very wrong.  Being pregnant is HARD, at least it was for me.  There are physical and emotional changes that continually plague our bodies as pregnant women, and lets just say I was unprepared.  The call to sacrifice begins with pregnancy, as you are asked to lay down your body for the life of another....literally.  The Lord began to prepare me for motherhood the moment that the lines turned pink.  I was in for 9 months of sanctification in ways I had never experienced it before.

And then childbirth comes along, and no matter what people say to prepare you, how many books you read, or how you might imagine it; it is an experience that you have to go through to understand.  It probably is one of the most incredible things I have ever experienced, but lets be real, it is hard.  Painful contractions, pushing until you think you can't push anymore, and then the recovery....yet again, a call to sacrifice.

( On a side note: The moment you see that little face, your world changes, and you are more in love then you thought possible.  That moment, and that little bundle of joy is God's reward for those nine months of pain and sacrifice, and all the pushing and pain.  But it's not over...your call to sacrifice has just begun.)

In the past four months I have learned more about what it means to sacrifice than ever before: physically, emotionally, spiritually.  Motherhood is A CALL TO SACRIFICE, a call that continues on until you meet your Maker. But the reality is that being a Christian is a call to sacrifice.  Jesus Himself spoke of the denial of one self, the taking up of our cross, and following Him.  He exemplified sacrifice in everything he did and in His ultimate love gift on the cross, and His call AND command is the same for us, SACRIFICE! As a mom, the sacrifice may look different then others; it is that of our bodies during pregnancy, the sleepless nights, the endless diaper changes, the discipline, the messes, the homework...and the list goes on. 

 In Romans, Paul describes the Christian's command to sacrifice in chapter 12:1 “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”  So whether we are a mommy or not, as a CHRISTIAN, we will be called to sacrifice in various forms.  The question is not will we have to sacrifice, but how.
 

Whatever your call to sacrifice may be, may we heed Paul's exhortation to present our bodies, OUR WHOLE SELF, as a sacrifice unto the Lord, knowing that our labor will not be in vain (1 Corinthians 15:58).

When I Am Weak, HE IS STRONG

I suppose I should change the title of my blog to something about being a mom because that is all I tend to be writing on lately.  This new calling in my life has been such a tool of sanctification and such a blessing.  I am amazed at how the Lord finds new things to teach me everyday.  Daily I have a front row seat to my own depravity.  Whether it is seen in my impatience, my lack of grace, my frustration, or my worry...I fail, every, single, day. 

Growing up in a Christian home was a blessing.  The Lord graciously spared me from a lot because of it, and for that I am thankful.  However, because of that, there has been a struggle throughout my Christian walk with my ability to see the depravity of my heart apart from Christ.  I have always seen my sin, but my pride has often gotten in the way and made me believe that because my sin isn't x, y, or z...I'm not as bad as Joe Smith down the street.  "How could someone do something so evil?" is a phrase that has often left my mouth.  The Lord, in His grace, is quick to remind me of my need for grace however, as He reveals sin to me often and I see my failure regularly.  Although I may not be doing those "terrible" sins, from my perspective, every sin that I commit is against a holy and perfect God who sacrificed His Son for even the smallest sin I let myself slip into.  A humbling reality to think about.

I'm not going to lie and say that I haven't been discouraged, because I have been, many times.  I have found myself wondering why I struggle so much with something, or how I can be so sinful.  I find myself begging God for grace and forgiveness throughout the day, and asking Him to strengthen me in so many areas.  But I have recently been encouraged by the fact that when I am faithless, weak, and failing, HE alone is faithful, strong, and victorious! 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Therefore I CAN and MUST rejoice every single day knowing that no matter how many times I fail in my calling as a mom (often), He NEVER fails.  I have come to realize that I am going to fail my son, I already have.  I am going to sin against him, regularly; I am going to say the wrong things, not say the right things, do the wrongs things, or not to do the right things, etc.  I am a sinner, in desperate need of grace, and he will see that often.  Yet, God WILL use my weaknesses to show HIS strength, goodness, and power.  The Gospel will be on display through it all.  My prayer is that when I am weak, Brayden will see that HE IS STRONG!