Cherishing EACH Moment

I have always tended to be that person who is always looking ahead.  Enjoying the moment has not been something I have always been good at.  In fact, I think it is something I have struggled with for years.  What's next is always on the forefront of my mind- whether that means planning what I'm doing every moment of the day tomorrow from the moment I wake up today, or worrying about how some event is going to go down that isn't even happening for a month...that so often is me.  It all stems from that fleshly desire for control that I so tightly cling to despite my desire to rid myself of it.

BUT GOD (oh how I love those words) isn't through with me yet.  He continues to teach me, conform me, mold me, sanctify me in this area, DAILY! I am humbled by His gracious care and love for me personally.  I see it ever so clearly now that I am a mommy.  I am learning, or I should say, being forced (lovingly), to learn to CHERISH the MOMENTS.  You see, having a baby means that you never know what each day holds.  Yes, you can have some sort of idea or plan, but the reality is, each day is different, each moment is different.  I am finding myself more and more aware of just HOW precious each moment of each day is.

So as I rock my little one to sleep because he needs his mommy, can't finish dusting because I'm too busy playing with my sweet boy, or take an hour to run a simple errand, my prayer is that I would STOP and refocus, and cherish each moment as the gift from above that it truly is. 

Formulas vs Faith

I like formulas, put something in, you get something out.  I suppose my like for this stems from my struggle with the sin of control.  You see, if I have a formula, I know the end-result before I even begin.  I know that if I follow the steps, I will get the desired outcome, which is what "I" want.  The reality is, life is NOT formulaic.  There is no follow these steps and you'll get this as a result.  After all, where would faith come in.  

Becoming a mom has taught me more then ever about formulas and faith.  I have found myself in the middle of the night "researching" the how-to formulas to get my baby to sleep longer, to go longer between feeds, or to teach him new things.  I read stories from other moms and am amazed at how they did "x, y and z" and achieved their desired end.  I talk to moms who have gone before me and get their plans that worked for their children. But then when I try the very same thing, my outcome is not the same.  I have struggled through tears wondering what I am doing wrong and have battled feelings of failure as a mommy.  I often wonder what "I" am doing that is causing the formula(s) not to work!  

By God's grace, He revealed some Truth to me that I had again failed to remember, I am NOT in control.  His sweet reminder allowed me to realize that there is no formula when it comes to being a mommy or raising a baby.  There is faith, and there is His sustaining grace.  It is by these two things that you will get through each moment, each day, each season.  And it is resting in these Truths that your heart will find peace. 

You see being a mommy isn't about me, and it isn't about my son...it is all about glorifying Christ.  And whatever must take place in order for that to happen is what will take place.  If a crying baby and sleepless nights mean Christ is more glorified, then so be it.  

I have so much to learn about being a mommy, but I am learning so much already, and for that I am thankful. The biggest lesson I have learned thus far is there are no formulas.  God has entrusted this precious little boy to me, to raise, to love, to train, to care for, and how I go about doing that will look different then the mom down the street or the mom at church.  God didn't call me to be just a mom, He called me to be Brayden's mom; and in being his mom he promised to sustain me, to equip me, and to provide for me.  He promised that in my weakness, He would be strong.  He promised that He would provide me new mercies each and every day.  He promised me the grace and wisdom I need to care for him. And He promised me that He would sanctify me and glorify His Son in and through it all.  

He simply asks me to have faith through relying on His grace.  To throw out all the formulas and to ask Him for help, to seek His mercy and grace when I am in tears and don't know what to do, instead of turning to the world.  There is no formula that is going to manufacture Brayden to fit "my" agenda, but rather faith in a God who is working all things together for the good of those whom He loves...me.