Being a Mommy

I can't believe my little man is over a month old already!  When people tell you to cherish every moment because time flies, they're right.  Our little man isn't so little anymore...good thing he is still small enough to cuddle :), I wish he would never outgrow that!

To say that the last 5 weeks have been the most life-changing of my life would be an understatement.  I have never experienced the emotions that I have and never have seen more of my self and my NEED for Christ in the ways that I have with Brayden in my life.

Being a mom is so much more than I realized.  And being a mom has made me love and respect my mom so much more, knowing just how much she sacrificed to raise my brother and I.  Being a mommy is a calling from the Lord to truly conform you to the image of Christ.  It is a 24/7 tool to sanctify and refine.  It is a call to self sacrifice or self denial, a call to give of yourself until you feel as though there is nothing left to give, and then to give some more as He equips you with that grace you need.  It is a call to love unconditionally, deeply, and purely from a heart that expects nothing in return.  It is a call to serve purely without selfish motives and desires.  It is a call to patience in ways that I have never had to be patient before.  Ultimately it is a call to DEPEND, to depend on the Lord FOR everything and IN everything.

God has reminded me daily, through this precious bundle of joy, of my NEED for His sustaining grace.  He reminds me of His love through Brayden's life.  And He reminds me of His faithfulness through His strength to keep me going when I am weak.  I see my sin in a whole new light, my selfishness, and my depravity...and yet, I see the glorious Gospel, beautifully and powerfully at work to renew me day by day and moment by moment.

Being a mommy, although filled with joy unending, and blessings that far exceeded my expectations, is ultimately about bringing glory to God and making me more like Jesus as I seek to picture the Gospel to my little Brayden, praying He too will be made like Jesus!

Brayden Xander Bence

Three weeks ago today I remember praying that God would let me go into labor ASAP.  I was 2 days away from my due date, and the anticipation and all the waiting was 'killing' me.  I didn't sleep so well that night as I played over what I expected to take place during labor, delivery, and home there after.  I tried to imagine what my little man would look like, how it would be to hold him for the first time, and what it would be like to go from just Keith and I to a family of three.  I couldn't wait to meet Brayden, I couldn't wait to watch Keith become a daddy, and I couldn't wait to have a life long dream come true...becoming a mommy.

And then it happened, two days later, on his due date, Brayden Xander Bence came into this world and changed my heart and my life, forever.  As I held this little life in my arms for the first time after carrying him for 40 weeks, I was at a loss for words.  Tears filled my eyes and my heart was flooded with an array of emotions.  He was the most precious thing I had ever laid eyes on and I couldn't believe he was mine.  His tiny little lips, his perfect little ears, his hands that held my finger tight...it was love at first sight.

I thought about the reality that the One who formed him inside my womb had planned his arrival, and his life from before the foundation of time and I was in awe.  I saw God in a way I had never before.  I had just witnessed creation with a front row seat.  Our God is great.

It has been just about three weeks since Brayden entered this world and I fall more in love with him everyday.  My life has changed completely, but for the good.  I find myself more dependent upon the Lord then ever before as I seek strength, grace, and wisdom each and every moment of the day to get through days with little sleep, to discern a newborns cry, and to faithfully love and serve my husband.  I stand more amazed at the Lord and His handiwork as I watch this little life develop and grow in front of my eyes.  It is a miracle and it is a gift from the Father to be able to be entrusted to raise this little man.
I pray more then ever before, especially for this little man's salvation, and trust firmly in God's perfect plan.  Although, I don't think I have ever desired anything more than for him to be saved.

If I could use one word to describe what I feel today after having this little guy it would be grateful.  I am grateful for his life.  I am grateful for a God who sustains me with His grace each and every day. I am grateful for sanctification which I am experiencing in all new ways.  I am grateful for a hardworking husband who selflessly serves our family and enables me to stay home with our little one.  I am grateful to be a mom.