The "Excellent" Wife

Fleshing out a duty, a role, a passion, a desire is much different then thinking about it, planning for it, or even dreaming about it.  It is that whole head to heart disconnect, whether intentional or not, it is a reality until you are actually in a situation and forced to live out what you say you believe, or what you know to be true.  I have come to see this first hand in the last three months as a wife; although I read countless books on marriage, studied Biblical principles throughout Scripture, and prayed endlessly that I would be that "excellent" wife, I couldn't really know what it would really mean or look like until I was actually walking in it.


Marriage is a treasure, a good and precious gift that God so graciously gives, and one in which I pray I will always stand in awe of.  The grace of God is so clearly evidenced in marriage, each and every day, and the Gospel is constantly on the forefront of my mind as I seek to love my husband and place myself under Him in order that not only God would be glorified but that Christ would be magnified and the Gospel would be on display.   And yet, in the midst of all the bliss, I am realizing more than ever the weight of the calling in which I am now walking.  Just as Eve was created for Adam (Genesis 2), I was created for my husband, Keith, and my calling is to serve, love, and help Him for the rest of my life.  It is that very thing that has put such a burden on my heart to pray and ask for eyes to see and the grace to live out this high calling that I would be an excellent wife, not for my own glory and gain, but for the benefit of Keith and the glory of God.


Four years ago I sat in a Marriage and Family class at Master's and read The Excellent Wife, by Martha Peace, for the first time.  It was incredible, and although I wasn't married, I began praying that God would make me that woman He had created me to be, and desired me to be.  Then last year, I picked up the book again to, what I thought would be "refresh", my mind and heart about this high calling.  Little did I know the second time through would reveal to me new and fresh Truths from Scripture that would help me practically prepare for the role I would step in to.  But it was all just knowledge, I couldn't flesh it out.  What would it really look like to be a helper suitable for my husband, what would it really look like to be that excellent wife?


And now three months into marriage I have picked up the book once more, and this time, it has come alive.  I am reading as a wife this time, and the weight of it all has become all the more real.  It is no longer a dream or desire to be an excellent wife, it is now a calling.  It is no longer far off in the future, it is here and now.  


God has really given me a passion to seek and pray for a true understanding of what it means to "help" my husband.  How do I become the "glory" of my husband as 1 Corinthians 11:7-9 says, "For a man ought not to have his head covered, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; for indeed man was not created for the woman’s sake, but woman for the man’s sake." What does it really mean?  As couples, our role is to model Christ and church; here lies our perfect example of how we might obey and glorify God.  A wife, submissive, as the church is; a husband, loving and sacrificial, as Christ was/is.  


Martha shares some very practical ways we can be that kind of model, and be the glory of our husband...here are a few:


- Ask your husband "What are your goals for the week and how can I help you accomplish these goals"?


-Talk about him in a positive light to others.  DO NOT slander him at all, even if what you are saying is the truth.


- Consider his work (jobs, goals, hobbies, work for the Lord) as MORE important than yours.


- Consider the things you are involved in, how do they glorify your husband?  Ask for his guidance.


- Be organized with cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry and cooking.  As you fulfill your God-given responsibilities, your husband is then free to do his work.


- Do and say things that build him up instead of tearing him down.  


- Save some of your energy for him every day.


- Realize that just as God is glorified when man obeys Him, your husband is glorified when you obey him.


I am far from grasping what it really means to be the glory of my husband, and even farther from being that "excellent wife", but I am striving, through the power of the Spirit, and the discipline of my life, to become that woman, and to fulfill the calling God has created for me.  I am confident that God will continue to mold me and shape me for the glory of His name.


I highly recommend every Christian woman, married, or seeking to be, get a hold of this book and truly work and pray through it as you strive to be the excellent wife!

Our Wedding Goal

I love blogs...all kinds, and when I was planning my wedding I fell in love with a few wedding blogs.  Although the pictures always seemed to steal the show, I was always more interested in what the bride or groom had to say about their special day...what was it about, what stood out, and what memories they would hold onto forever.  After hundreds of posts, on various blogs, I found a void in those blogs...there were few, like 1% that mentioned the Lord, and not one that I came across that mentioned His glory.  What a shame!  Now, who knows what may have been edited from their posts, but still, it really saddened me; after all wasn't it God who created the institution?!  


So...I had to post a few pictures from our special day and share my thoughts on it all.  My wedding may not be the "typical", but it truly was a dream come true!


“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” - 1 Corinthians 10:31

From the moment we started planning our wedding we knew we wanted to use it as a platform for the Gospel to go forth.  We knew that this would be the one time we would be able to have all the people we love (both saved and unsaved) in the same place at the same time and wanted to use that as a prime opportunity to share the love and grace of Christ with each of them.  Our prayer was that of Matthew 5, that our light would shine forth before man.  We knew it was possible in the ceremony, but wanted to use our reception as a great forum as well.  So the Gospel message would be our focus and the glory of God our aim.  


We had the privilege of having our pastor, Philip DeCourcy, speak at our ceremony and lay the foundation.  And during our reception, our good friend and brother, George Igawa, spoke about the reality of the end of each one's life, and the saving power of Christ on the cross.  


We may not know the fruit that came from those two messages, but there is no doubt in our mind that the Gospel went forth, seeds were planted, and that God's Word does not return void!

And what will we remember most?  There are three things I will never forget about that day...


-The moment I saw the man I would marry for the first time that day...the look in his eyes, the deep loving eyes that said forever, and the strong arms that held me close.


-The hardworking servants who made it possible.  Our family and friends went OVER and above all that we could have asked to make that day a reality.


-The moment we said "I do" and sealed it with a kiss!

And our vows...these I will treasure forever.  We decided together to write our vows, mirroring traditional vows, and yet seeking to bring the picture of the Gospel into them.  


From Keith:

I, Keith, take you Vanessa, to be my lawfully wedded wife.

I vow my utmost and undying love, mirrored after the love Christ has for his church.

I will lead you on this journey called life and to our precious Jesus through humble acts of service.

I promise to nourish and cherish you, as I would nourish my own body.

I vow to lay down all my personal wants, needs, and desires for your betterment and growth up into all things Christ.

I promise to put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, to forbear all, forgive all, believe all, conquer all, and persevere through all.

You are mine, and I am yours, until God separates us in death.

By the grace of God and through the power of Christ and the intercession of the Holy Spirit, this is my promise, this is my vow, this is my covenant to you; before God, and before men.

From Vanessa:

I, Vanessa, take you Keith, to be my lawfully wedded husband.

I vow my deepest love to you and to show that love to you by respecting you, putting myself under you, and submitting, as the church does to Christ.

I promise to help you in all things but foremost in your pursuit of our Savior through time in the Word together, humble acts of service, consistent prayer, encouragement and exhortation.

I promise to love you selflessly, patiently, and deeply; evidenced through bearing all things, in the darkest valleys and on the highest mountain tops.

You are mine, and I am yours, until God separates us in death.

By the grace of God and through the power of Christ and the intercession of the Holy Spirit, this is my promise, this is my vow, this is my covenant to you; before God, and before men.  I love you.

I am SO thankful for the gift God has given us in marriage, and my prayer is that He was just as pleased with our day as we were!