I know they say time flies as you get older, but I feel like just yesterday it was June and now somehow it is almost September! God has been continually faithful and good (as always), and has evidenced that in a myriad of ways over the past few months. We are so grateful to have such a loving Father, who despite our faithlessness, continues to prove Himself faithful.
Pregnancy has been a journey of sanctification for me thus far. I've mentioned it before, but I didn't expect that from the get-go; however, God never wastes anything, always using life to sharpen and shape us and to magnify Himself and His glory. I have come to a new level of dependence upon the Lord, one that I have been "forced" into facing every single day, and one that is in all honesty, one of the most stretching experiences of my walk with the Lord.
From about the 5th week of my pregnancy, I knew this journey was going to require a level of trust that would stretch me. I had no control over anything going on with our sweet baby. I remember hearing stories of miscarriages from countless friends and family members through the years and I began to wonder whether or not our precious child would even live another day. Fear grasped my heart strings and plagued my mind for about a week or so, a fear that was foolish, but more, sinful. Not having control over the situation forced me to realize WHO was in control, sovereignly orchestrating every event of our child's life (and mine). I began to be comforted by this Truth in a new and fresh way, and daily laid the worry and anxiety down at the foot of the cross. In His grace, He daily reminded me of His goodness and His control, and in that, I found peace.
And then the sickness came full fledged at about 6 1/2 weeks, and I knew that my sanctification in this pregnancy was far from over. Feeling nauseous 24/7 is just plain miserable. There were many moments throughout the next 10 weeks where I wanted to badly to fix myself, whatever the gimmick might be. But what God continually reminded me of, over and over and over again, was that He was sovereign over this sickness as well, that there was a purpose, and that ONLY HE could give me the strength to endure and to prayerfully overcome it. By His grace, I began to feel better, and praise Him, am finally feeling like myself again.
And yet I find myself in another situation of learning to depend on Him, and trusting in His sovereign hand over all of this. We have our 20 week appointment in a week, an appointment I am so excited for, because we get to see baby again, but one that has brought about new fears and anxieties in the recent days. This is an appointment where we find out crucial things about the baby and the pregnancy, and has the potential of bringing "bad" news. Although everything up to this point has been great, I for some reason have been yet again plagued with a fear of the "what-ifs". It is in times like these that I wonder what God has to be thinking...if it were me, I would wonder how long it is going to take for this girl to learn the lesson that I AM IN CONTROL and GOOD! In my mind I know these things to be true, and I do trust Him, but my sinful flesh so easily overcomes Truth with false realities and lies. I must remember who He is, what He has done, and how good He is, continually!
I am so thankful for this pregnancy for many reasons, but mostly because it truly has drawn me closer to Him. I have seen His hand prints, goodness and faithfulness displayed in new and refreshing ways on almost a daily basis, and have been humbled and refined continually. I may hold a child in me, but I am so comforted by the fact that HE holds us both, and He is working His good and perfect will in us both. He is so good, it amazes me.
Pregnancy has been a journey of sanctification for me thus far. I've mentioned it before, but I didn't expect that from the get-go; however, God never wastes anything, always using life to sharpen and shape us and to magnify Himself and His glory. I have come to a new level of dependence upon the Lord, one that I have been "forced" into facing every single day, and one that is in all honesty, one of the most stretching experiences of my walk with the Lord.
From about the 5th week of my pregnancy, I knew this journey was going to require a level of trust that would stretch me. I had no control over anything going on with our sweet baby. I remember hearing stories of miscarriages from countless friends and family members through the years and I began to wonder whether or not our precious child would even live another day. Fear grasped my heart strings and plagued my mind for about a week or so, a fear that was foolish, but more, sinful. Not having control over the situation forced me to realize WHO was in control, sovereignly orchestrating every event of our child's life (and mine). I began to be comforted by this Truth in a new and fresh way, and daily laid the worry and anxiety down at the foot of the cross. In His grace, He daily reminded me of His goodness and His control, and in that, I found peace.
And then the sickness came full fledged at about 6 1/2 weeks, and I knew that my sanctification in this pregnancy was far from over. Feeling nauseous 24/7 is just plain miserable. There were many moments throughout the next 10 weeks where I wanted to badly to fix myself, whatever the gimmick might be. But what God continually reminded me of, over and over and over again, was that He was sovereign over this sickness as well, that there was a purpose, and that ONLY HE could give me the strength to endure and to prayerfully overcome it. By His grace, I began to feel better, and praise Him, am finally feeling like myself again.
And yet I find myself in another situation of learning to depend on Him, and trusting in His sovereign hand over all of this. We have our 20 week appointment in a week, an appointment I am so excited for, because we get to see baby again, but one that has brought about new fears and anxieties in the recent days. This is an appointment where we find out crucial things about the baby and the pregnancy, and has the potential of bringing "bad" news. Although everything up to this point has been great, I for some reason have been yet again plagued with a fear of the "what-ifs". It is in times like these that I wonder what God has to be thinking...if it were me, I would wonder how long it is going to take for this girl to learn the lesson that I AM IN CONTROL and GOOD! In my mind I know these things to be true, and I do trust Him, but my sinful flesh so easily overcomes Truth with false realities and lies. I must remember who He is, what He has done, and how good He is, continually!
I am so thankful for this pregnancy for many reasons, but mostly because it truly has drawn me closer to Him. I have seen His hand prints, goodness and faithfulness displayed in new and refreshing ways on almost a daily basis, and have been humbled and refined continually. I may hold a child in me, but I am so comforted by the fact that HE holds us both, and He is working His good and perfect will in us both. He is so good, it amazes me.
