Stepping into marriage I have to admit I thought I knew a lot. I had read a ton of books, had ten months of pre-marital counseling, and had been praying for this for years and years. Although I know that living out the reality of marriage would be the hands on experience I needed to put what I had learned into practice, I didn't realize how little I really knew. I might have been able to quote Scripture relating to my role as a wife, or recall quotes that I believed had prepared me for the real deal, but it wouldn't be until the day I stepped into marriage, and there after, that I would recognize the high calling I had been entrusted with.
Being a wife is not something you will ever master. Ask the wise women in your congregation who have logged 40, 50, 60 years in the book, and they will be the first to admit this. At 25 you may think you know nothing, but at 45, you will realize how little you do know in a whole knew light. I suppose the goal isn't perfection (although I'd love to be the perfect wife), but rather progression. Year two should build upon year one, and so on. Your role as wife will change, reshape, and be strengthened as you continue pursuing Christ throughout your marriage. And although you will never "arrive" so to speak, you will see the evidences of His grace in your life more and more. Of that I am confident.
Something the Lord has been continually impressing on my heart throughout the last 10 months is my calling as a "helper". I am a wife, yes, but I am a helper. There have been days where I have cried out to the Lord asking what on earth that even means, days I have been encouraged by wisdom from the Word in relation to this idea, and days when I have seen God's grace enabling me to actually be a helper to my husband. But it is something I am no where near in succeeding at. Something that I continually need God's grace to accomplish daily.
I was reminded today that there is no "one size fits all" wife or helper. Yes, there is explicit details in Scripture about certain characteristics and responsibilites I as a wife must possess and/or fulfill, but helping my husband may not look the same as you helping yours. John Piper has a book called This Momentary Marriage in which he reminds each reader of the temporal nature of marriage. He reminds the reader of the primary verses the secondary.
"Marriage is not mainly about prospering economically; it is mainly
about displaying the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his
church. Knowing Christ is more important than making a living.
Treasuring Christ is more important than bearing children. Being
united to Christ by faith is a greater source of marital success than per-
fect sex and double-income prosperity.
If we make secondary things primary, they cease to be secondary
and become idolatrous. They have their place. But they are not first,
and they are not guaranteed. Life is precarious, and even if it is long
by human standards, it is short. “What is your life? For you are a mist
that appears for a little time and then vanishes” (James 4:14). “Do not
boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring”
(Prov. 27:1). So it is with marriage. It is a momentary gift. It may last a lifetime,
or it may be snatched away on the honeymoon. Either way, it is short.
It may have many bright days, or it may be covered with clouds. If we
make secondary things primary, we will be embittered at the sorrows
we must face. But if we set our face to make of marriage mainly what
God designed it to be, no sorrows and no calamities can stand in our
way. Every one of them will be, not an obstacle to success, but a way to
succeed. The beauty of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and
his church shines brightest when nothing but Christ can sustain it.
Very soon the shadow will give way to Reality. The partial will pass
into the Perfect. The foretaste will lead to the Banquet. The troubled
path will end in Paradise. A hundred candle-lit evenings will come to
their consummation in the marriage supper of the Lamb. And this
momentary marriage will be swallowed up by Life. Christ will be all
and in all. And the purpose of marriage will be complete."
As I watched a short video today of a young couple and the way in which they glorified God in their marriage I was literally in awe. Here was a man who could not fulfill the secondary roles as a husband (such as providing with a job), but who strove to fulfill his primary (leading his wife to Christ); and a wife, who helped her husband, exactly the way SHE had been called to help HER husband. The story was touching, but what was more moving was that I saw Christ in it all. He was their story. And a light bulb in my head clicked. My role, or job as a helper to MY husband is to make Christ our story, to make Him look beautiful, to make the Gospel shine. Yes, I knew these things in my mind, but I hadn't quite figured out how to live them out. This precious example spurred me on. And I highly recommend you take the few minutes it takes to let their love for Christ motivate you: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/the-story-of-ian-larissa
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